Lost

(dok pribadi, 2017)

I think I'm I'm lost. I'm lost in every decision that I've made. I don't know where to go, what to do, or where I should be. Usually, I'm positive person, even now, I'm still that kind of people. It's just temporarily I've become like this, having so much things in my head till my eyes burst into tears. I don't know how to tell people what I feel right now, because I know that they are just like me, they're having their own problem. How can I make them thinking about me too? 

It just feel so difficult sometimes. It just feel tiring sometimes. I want to stop but I can't. What should I do if I stop right here? Even when I dont stop, I dont know what to do. I feel like every decision that I made always go wrong. Every place that I visited seem like doesnt belongs to me. Every step that I take, nothing.

I know I'm wrong for having this kind of feeling. I know it damn right that everything will be fine and I will find my way as usual. Allah will guide me and my heart to the right path. It's just about the time. And I should wait for it with full of faith, patience, and keep doing my best.

But for now, I just feel so lost. I dont want to stay in one place, I want to go everywhere, looking around, and I dont want myself feel alone and lonely. Because you know, that feelings make me even worse. I just can write down what I feel, because I can't talk to others, I can't cry in front of people. It's okay if they know I'm crying, I just dont wanna be seen. Sometimes, someone's hug is the one that I need when I'm crying, but I can't let them see me in my worst. At the end, I just can hug my big panda and cry on its shoulder. And after that, I'm looking for someone to be hugged or at least a life cat that can 'meoww' when I hug it. 

Just like others hide their pain and their sadness with a smile, I want to be like that too. But unfortunately, I can't truly become like them. I should write to feel better when I'm sad. Please, dont hate me just because I'm such a crybaby and let you guys know my sadness by write it here. I'm just a normal human, ordinary human, who can feel down, sad, sometimes. 

Hope everyone read my writing will always be happy. Fiiamanillah.

-fds

di atas kereta Jayakarta Premium yang sedang melaju

15117